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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28495221">Only Look at Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSwordsoftheNight/pseuds/SilverSwordsoftheNight'>SilverSwordsoftheNight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, Out of Character, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:15:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,612</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28495221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSwordsoftheNight/pseuds/SilverSwordsoftheNight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A successful expedition leads to a night of relaxation and beer granted to the Survey Corps but two people have a slightly different idea of how they wish to spend the night... Could it lead to more as they learn new things about each other?<br/>Only time will tell. </p><p>*Forgive me I'm terrible at summaries.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mikasa Ackerman/Levi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Only Look at Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first attempt at an Attack on Titan fanfiction and since I'm not good at politics this is going to mainly focus on different points throughout Mikasa and Levi's growing relationship.<br/>Also because this is fanfiction I've took the liberty of making up everyone's favorite alcoholic drink and I also left Erwin alive though I'm not yet sure how much he will appear in this fic. </p><p>*Forewarning grammar and spelling are not my strong suits though I've done my best to correct any blaring mistakes I'm sure I've missed some. </p><p>Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to their original creator.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The end was drawing near, they could all feel it with each consecutive successful expedition. There were less titans roaming the lands, fewer lives lost each fight, and the real enemy who had revealed themselves were falling back. She did not understand it all and didn’t try to. That was Erwin’s and Arman’s specialty as they lead the Survey Corps to each new victory. She trusted them to do their job and they trusted her to do hers. </p><p>Sighing softly Mikasa moved through the halls of the Survey Corps Old Headquarters. The rowdy sounds coming from the mess hall fading into the background the further she went. Erwin had allowed them to have beer with their supper in celebration for their last successful expedition beyond the walls. The alcohol still hummed through her system as she moved towards her destination. </p><p>As much as she oved her brother and friends she didn’t feel like drinking round after round with them on their one night off. Instead she felt the draw for solitude and a good book. It wasn’t often when she found the chance to read but on nights like tonight. When there was no immediate threats to think of she sought out a bit of normalcy. </p><p>The library was darker than she had expected as the door swung shut behind her. The only light coming from the full moon shining through the windows on the far wall in silvery whisps. The silence surrounding her was almost unnerving as she walked down the aisles of books on silent feet. Her fingers drifting over the old leather-bound tomes only occasionally pausing to squint as she tried to read their titles. A part of her wondered if someone had ever had enough time to read them all.</p><p>Maybe, someday, she would have the time to try. </p><p>Reaching the end of the row, hand still resting on the last shelf, she froze halfway through turning the corner. There, sitting on the floor not fifteen feet before her with the moon lighting his profile perfectly was none other than Captain Levi. </p><p>She had not expected to see another soul within the dark space and her hearted skipped a beat as she took in his lithe form. He had discarded his jacket and though there wasn’t a lot of space between the end of the shelves and the windowed outer wall, he seemed to fit it perfectly as he sat with one leg out in front of him. Foot pressed up against the wall and his back resting comfortably against the flat side of the bookcase. His other leg was bent and pulled towards his chest with an arm casually draped across his knee. A half empty tumbler hanging from the lose fingers of his hand. </p><p>It definitely wasn’t the first time Mikasa had seen her commanding officer drink, after all he had been drinking with the rest of them only an hour before, but it was the setting that unnerved her. He was alone, in the dark, with a cluster of glass bottles in varies stages of fullness within easy reach. Eyes trailing away from the bottles and up his still form searchingly, she felt her breath hitch. His head was tilted back resting against the shelf. Face raised towards the rays of wispy light, eyes closed, and wet trails glinting upon his checks. </p><p>The discovery was unsettling to say the least and Mikasa knew deep down that she should turn and leave. Knew he had come to be alone, that he wouldn’t want someone seeing his venerability. She couldn’t get her feet to move. Frozen in place by his tears and the sight of stormy blue eyes now narrowly open and staring her down. Silence stretched between them as she was faced with the vulnerability shining within stormy depths, the pain fresh and raw as the tears on his face.<br/>

Her foot slide back an inch as she bit at her lip. After four years by his side, Mikasa had thought she had seen all sides there where to see of her unbreakable Captain. This one was new, and even with all her training and years of battle she wasn’t sure how to react. </p><p>“Care for a drink Ackermann?” His voice was slightly more smoky, slightly deeper in cadence and it sent an unfamiliar shiver down her spine. The spell that held her feet in place now pulled her forward on an invisible string as she easily crossed the short distance to his side. </p><p>His blue eyes were following her every move in an almost lazy half lidded manner and she felt heat rise upon her checks as she lowered herself down by his side. Her leg bumping against his knee as she sat down with her own back to the wall. Her hip almost touching his boated foot as she settled in, all the while being careful not to knock over any of the bottles scattered around them. </p><p>Ignoring his steady stare and the odd feeling it was causing in her gut as she accepted the proffered glass Mikasa studied the dark liquid handed to her. Raising it to her lips she tipped the glass letting its contents slide down her throat. She drank it like the beer they had with their supper and regretted her choice immediately as it slid down her throat like liquid fire. Coughing, she handed the empty glass back well wiping her hand across her mouth. Frowning as his teasing voice filled the air. “Strong shit isn’t it.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Whisky. It was Gunther’s drink of choice.” Her mind stumbled over the mildly familiar name. Gunther… as in his former squad member? Mikasa eyes dropped from his face to look more closely at the other bottles surrounding them. There were six in total of various kinds and her gut rolled uncomfortably as she realized the situation she had walked in on. Wetting her lips, her voice came out in a quiet whisper. “And the others…?”</p><p>“They all had their preferences… except Petra.” Her eyes fallowed his hand as he picked up one bottle to swish it around, the liquid sparkling in the moonlight. “The brat acted to innocent to drink with us, but… I think she would have liked this one.” Heart pounding in her chest Mikasa accepted the half empty bottle before taking an experimental sip. It still tasted like a strong alcohol, but it didn’t burn as much as the last one and there was a pleasant fruity undertone to it. “It’s good. Is it made with apples?”</p><p>“Typically.” Her lips turned up slightly in a nervous smile as she took another drink of it before passing it back to his outstretched hand. She could already feel the buzz from the first drink settling in with the beer already in her system. She had never had so much strong alcohol at once before and it left her feeling lightheaded. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling and she felt herself relaxing into it. After another heartbeat of silence, she found herself biting her lip once more and pointing at another bottle. “And what about this one?”</p><p>“Scotch. Tastes like shit but Eld liked it for whatever reason.” Leaning forward and picking up the bottle she took a slow drink and decided she had to agree as her face scrunched up in disgust. It did indeed taste like shit. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the twitch of his lips at her reaction and Mikasa made a mental note not to drink it again as she returned to its place on the floor well picking up another. “And this?” Deep down she knew she should stop, knew that he most likely didn’t want to share this moment with her but, a part of her was to curious to back down. She waited silently for his response well twirling the tinted liquid around within its bottle.</p><p>“Oruo liked rum, though it was hard to find the right brand…”</p><p>She realized what an odd experience it was sitting in the dark trying different drinks dedicated to her Captains fallen comrades. He rarely even uttered their names let alone spoke about their likes and dislikes. It was rare but not a wholly unpleasant experience as each new drink and little piece of info led to her feeling better then she had in ages. </p><p>With her sense drowned in tingling sensations Mikasa knew she was drunk, and yet it didn’t bother her as much as she once thought it would. Sure, her senses were impaired, and she wouldn’t be able to defend herself worth shit if a threat arose. But that was just it. The threats were disappearing more with each passing day and their need to be ready to fight at any moment along with them.</p><p>Glancing down at the final two bottles that were unnamed she picked up the last open one as a part of her wondered why the other was still sealed. “That’s vodka.” Her nose scrunched against her will as the nasty liquid slide down her throat. “That’s gross.” A snort was her only response as Levi took the bottle from her fingers before taking a shot of it himself. The competitive side of her was ruffled when he didn’t even flinch from the stuff and she reached for the bottle again. It was no better the second time around. “Who liked this one?”</p><p>“My little shit of a sister, Isabel.” An image of Eran flashed through her mind and she shuddered. To lose a sibling… she had come close to experiencing that pain many times but was thankful to still have her brother by her side. “I didn’t know you had a sister…”</p><p>If she hadn’t been watching him so intently, she would have missed the soft smile that briefly fluttered across his lips before being covered by the replenished glass. Taking a deep drag of the drink Levi let his arm drape over his leg once more as he spoke in an soft but even tone. “We weren’t related.” </p><p>Biting her lip and ducking her head slightly she thought over his words. Mikasa knew what it was like to be adapted. To love someone as family even without sharing their blood. Swallowing to wet her suddenly dry throat she reached out a tentative finger to run along the side of the last unopened bottle near her own knee. Belatedly she noticed it was also the only one without any sort of label. </p><p>“It’s a beer… from the underground…” For a moment she thought he wasn’t going to continue as he set down his now empty glass before leaning over her legs to gently pluck the bottle from the ground. But then the steady tenor of his voice washed over her again as she watched him stare down at the bottle in his hands. “Furlan always made it a point to buy one whenever things were going well.” </p><p>Blinking through the soft haze encompassing her mind Mikasa could see within his eyes the pain the mans memory caused. The pain all their memories caused him. She knew that pain as well. The pain of seeing close friends die without being able to stop it. “Tell me about them.” She hadn’t meant to say ask but the words had come out unhindered and she watched with his eyes slowly lift to meet her own. He was giving her an unreadable look and for a moment she thought he might tell her to fuck off in his usual fashion. Instead, his lips twitched in a sad smile as he tiled his head back and closed his eyes. Looking just like he had been when she first found him. “I met Furlan Church back when I ran with the gangs in The Underground…” </p><p>The smoky timber of his voice carried through the air easily as he told her about each of them and Mikasa listened with rapt attention. She listened to the minute fluctuations of his voice as he spoke and the care in which he took to remember the little details. Speaking of each person as if they were still around. It made her stomach twist and her heart clench as she wondered if he would he remember her in this way if she were to die? </p><p>The tears didn’t return to his eyes but when the room grew quiet once more, but she knew they were there. Locked behind years of stubbornness and practiced indifference. Reaching out she clasped his hand laying between them she pulled it into her lap. Giving him silent support well running her thumb over his knuckles. Over a small scare she could see between his thumb and forefinger. Studying the difference in the size of their hands placed so close together. She could feel his eyes upon her once more and chanced a glance at his face only to find him quickly looking away. Breath fluttering between her lips Mikasa found she wanted him to remember her the same way. With the same care and devotion he had just shown her for his fallen comrades. </p><p>“I like sweet rice wine.” Perhaps it wasn’t the best time to say such a thing after everything he had just shared but again she had no control over her own mouth.<br/>
“Huh?” Mikasa waited with bated breath as she watched his head snap back around to stare her down with narrowed eyes. “You’re not planning on dying on me are you Cadet?” His voice was icy and under normal circumstances she might have cowed before him. But there was a lot of alcohol in her system and instead she shook her head. A soft smile pulling at her lips as she answered. “No. Are you?” </p><p>Still glowering at her, Levi answered in a slightly softer tone. “No, but my luck won’t last forever.” </p><p>“And then I’ll remember you liked tea.” His throat bobbed as his blue eyes widened at her words before dropping to their clasped hands. Turning them over as his own thumb moved experimentally over her inner wrist. “Just make sure it’s not the shitty watered-down stuff they serve here.” She wasn’t sure what possessed her to move. Perhaps it was the alcohol racing through her system, or the odd twisting in her gut demanding to be closer. Then again it could have also been the gratitude of being let past his impenetrable walls. Either way she found herself carefully shifting onto her knees before wrapping her arms around his neck. Pulling his suddenly stiff form into a tight hug, his face pressed into her collarbone.</p><p>It wasn’t immediate, but slowly his arms rose. Her stomach fluttered as his hands wrapped around her hips. The heat of his hands sending a shiver through her as her own arms tightened around him slightly. Another heartbeat passed and then another before one of his hands dropped down to her knee and she let him move her closer. Guiding her leg over his until she was straddling his waist before wrapping both his arms securely around her middle. </p><p>They held each other in silence as time slowly slipped by. Each taking comfort in the others presence. They weren’t alone in this painful world where death came where least expected. Warmth flooded through her as her eyes grew heavy and a moment later found her burying her face into his shoulder. </p><p>   ---------</p><p>Inhaling slowly as he drifted towards wakefulness Levi was meet with a pleasant scent. It was a mix between something wild and freshly clean clothes. He was warm, relatively comfortable, and sleep was pulling at him once more. Tempting him to fall back into the dreamless sleep he had been enjoying up until a moment before. The feel of warm breath ghosting against his skin snapped the rest of his mind to full wakefulness. Stiffening he assessed his surroundings well running over his memories of the previous night. </p><p>He had left the mess hall earlier then most. It was a rare opportunity to spend an evening without having to keep his wits about him and he choose to do just that, but without an audience of curious new recruits. It was the reason he picked the dark library to begin with. What he hadn’t planned for was being discovered. He had already been several drinks in and relatively relaxed when he had looked up to see Mikasa staring down at him with wide worried grey eyes. He probably looked a sight with the tears streaming down his face, surrounded by bottles of alcohol. She hadn’t hesitated to join him once invited and then… Somehow he ended up sharing far more then he was used to. The damn alcohol had made his tongue loss. </p><p>And then… she had hugged him.</p><p>Shifting slightly beneath the weight of her body still draped over his he let his arms slide from their place around her waist. Hands coming to rest upon her hips as he leaned his head away from her neck to lean back against the bookcase behind him. The moon was still out which was a good sign, but it had shifted quite a bit across the sky indicating that they had been out of it for some time. Well no more then his regular three hours at least. Glancing to the side he could just make out the side of her face turned towards him in sleep. Her arms had shifted from around his neck to rest between their bodies for warmth and he could feel her fingers curling against his chest as she held onto his shirt in slumber. </p><p>Closing his eyes once more he took another slow breath. Lucky it seemed as though no one else had stumbled upon their place of solitude but he wasn’t sure how much longer that would last once the sun rose and people started looking for them. They would need to leave quickly and separately. He couldn’t risk any misunderstandings or rumors spreading. For her sake as much as for his own. </p><p>Erwin would probably understand once everything was explained but that doesn’t mean they would get out without a punishment. </p><p>Hange would never let him live it down…</p><p>Eran would probably try to kill him for ‘defiling his sister’… The little shit.</p><p>The rest of the recrutes would never look at either of them the same…</p><p>And Mikasa… what will she think once she wakes up?</p><p>It had been obvious after the first drink that she wasn’t used to anything stronger then the beer they sometimes got with dinner. Would she even remember anything from the night before? Did he want her too? It might be more convenient if she were to forget. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about her remembering everything he told her. Everything about the deaths he mourned the most. The names that repeated like a mantra through his nightmares.</p><p>Gunther, Petra, Oruo, Eld, Isabel, and Furlan… </p><p>They were his names to bear. His reasons to keep fighting. He hadn’t meant to share…</p><p>Swallowing through the dryness of his throat Levi decided it had been long enough. “Oi, brat. Wake up.” His only response was an unintelligible mumble as she shifted closer. Eyes widening, his breath hitched at the feel of her lips brushing his neck well his hands tightened on her hips stopping her movements. If he wasn’t in trouble before he would be soon if she didn’t wake up and get of him. He hadn’t considered the possibility of his bodies own betrayal. Taking a deliberately slow breath he raised a hand to shake her shoulder. “Oi, wake up.” </p><p>That did it as she slowly moved towards wakefulness. Her body moving away from his as she leaned back to blink sleepy grey eyes down at him and he waited for recognition to set in. It didn’t take long for him to see the memories click into place within her eyes as they slowly widened. He hopped she wouldn’t notice his growing problem as she shifted further back down his thighs. He could see her face darkening in color even in the dim lighting as her hands loosened but not drop away from his shirt. “Mikasa, what do you remember?” He needed to know and he watched her bit her lip as thoughts danced through her eyes once more. “Everything… I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” </p><p>Of course she would remember… Sighing he moved his hands from her hips to gently pry her fingers from his shirt. “We need to go before someone comes.” She nodded before quickly climbing off of him only to stand awkwardly to the side as he moved to gather the bottles and move them back to their hiding place amongst the dusty books. He had used the movement as a way to distract himself as he forced his body to calm down once more before rising to stand besides her. </p><p>They moved through the library quietly, barely giving the other a second glance as they reached the doors. He checked first, making sure no one was around before waving for her to follow. It felt odd sneaking around. As if they had done more then what they had. As they were parting ways, her down the stairs to the women’s dorms and him down the hall to his room, he couldn’t help but watch her slim form disappear from sight. The feel of her legs straddling his lap, and her lips upon his skin would haunt him the rest of the day he was sure, and he cursed his drunken self for allowing any of it to happen at all as he disappeared into his own room.</p>
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